


The Calculus Conundrum

by persephoneapple



Series: The Stone [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco Malfoy is Clueless About Muggle Things, Homework, Humor, M/M, Mathematics, Pineapples, Pizza, Smart Draco Malfoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25414162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/persephoneapple/pseuds/persephoneapple
Summary: After receiving six Outstanding N.E.W.T.s and finishing second overall in his class behind Hermione Granger, Draco is a well-respected potions master who frequently publishes articles in academic journals. He’s won several awards for his research and is trying to find a cure for lycanthropy. Harry even teases Draco by asking him if there’s anything hedoesn’tknow in that smart brain of his.However, Draco is only human and it turns out that even a calculus problem can baffle the smartest of wizards.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Series: The Stone [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857286
Comments: 15
Kudos: 238





	The Calculus Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

> **The Calculus Conundrum**  
>  **Harry/Draco, OFC [G, 1767 words]**  
>  **Disclaimer:** JK Rowling and co own everything. I’m writing for fun and not for profit.  
>  **A/N:** Please excuse the liberal use of conundrum and the dubious 'calculus' written in this fic. Math class was a long time ago. Still, I hope you enjoy. Also inspired by this [unusual pizza topping](https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/jan/15/taste-test-unholy-kiwi-pizza-is-a-tangy-pleasant-surprise).
> 
> Inspired by the following paragraphs in chapter 4 of _Sorcerer’s Stone_ : 
> 
> “Do you mean ter tell me,” he [Hagrid] growled at the Dursleys, “that this boy — this boy! — knows nothin’ abou’ — about ANYTHING?"
> 
> Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren’t bad.
> 
> “I know _some_ things,” he said. “I can, you know, do math and stuff.” (pg. 49)

Draco sits stiffly at the dining room table trying to read a Potions article about the discovery of the thirteenth use of dragon’s blood. The article holds no interest for him; he’s too busy staring at the teenage girl in front of him.

Harry’s Muggle relative, Daisy Dursley, is staying in their home while her parents are on holiday in Japan celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary. Draco has no problems with Daisy; she’s been pleasant all week, helping out with chores and generally keeping out of trouble. At sixteen, she’s funny and smart, especially in mathematics. If Harry is to be believed, Daisy is nothing like her father when he was that age.

Perhaps if Draco had met Muggles like her when he was a child, then he would have had a harder time believing that Muggles were beneath him.

Harry has requested that they not use magic around Daisy to make her feel more comfortable. That means Draco has to stow his wand away as he gets home from work and pretend that his fingers don’t itch to reach for his wand whenever he doesn’t know what to do.

Being without magic has never been a problem for Harry since he grew up in the Muggle world. For Draco, it’s a bit harder. He’s not worried about breaking the Statute of Secrecy because the Dursleys know he’s a wizard. He’s more concerned about trying to find common interests with a teenager. After all, at her age, he was trying to survive a megalomaniac whilst plotting to kill his headmaster. 

Draco doesn’t know his way around children. He and Harry had agreed not to have children early on in their relationship. The only person he’s helped raise is his cousin Teddy, who has graduated from Hogwarts and is in Romania with Charlie Weasley. And whenever he visits the Burrow for Sunday brunch, all the children abandon the adults in favour of playing with each other so he never really interacts with them.

So even if Daisy had been a witch, Draco would have had the same problem. Harry’s the one who’s charismatic and outgoing and could talk to anyone, even if he had just met them. Draco, on the other hand, appears standoffish to everyone except his closest friends. He’s only comfortable when he’s with Harry or working on his lycanthropy research in his potions lab.

However, he has promised Harry he’d try to make Daisy feel welcomed and he is determined not to break that promise.

So for the past hour, he has been silently sitting at the table, watching Daisy scribble on several pages as he thinks of something to say. Harry is not due home anytime soon and Draco is tempted to Floo call Hermione to come for a visit if things don’t change.

The pencil Daisy uses has been sharpened several times as she completes her homework, but now she is hesitant and has frequently erased her markings. She taps on the Muggle device in front of her several times, scowling and sighing every once in a while.

When she throws down her pencil in frustration, Draco can’t ignore it anymore and he sets down the potions journal. “Is there something wrong?”

Daisy nods, sighing deeply. “I’m having a little bit of trouble with my homework. We had a supply teacher today, which was no help at all since he didn’t know anything about teaching calculus. He just let us watch a film and sent us home with this worksheet.”

Draco gets up from the table and walks over, picking up Daisy’s homework. On the paper there are numbers, letters, infinity symbols, brackets, and numbers under check marks. None of it makes any sense. 

“Is this Arithmancy?” he asks, “Or perhaps a riddle?”

“What?” Daisy says, frowning. “What’s Arithmancy? No, this is my calculus homework.”

“Did you say _abacus_?” Draco asks, putting the paper down.

Daisy gives him a strange look. “Do you mean to tell me that you haven’t heard of calculus?”

Draco shakes his head. “I’m afraid not. I didn’t take Muggle Studies at Hogwarts.”

“But you’re a wizard! Harry says you’re so smart and got high marks at school. I thought you knew everything.” 

Draco laughs. “That’s not true. You do not know how very wrong that is. I bet even Harry wouldn’t know how to solve any of this.”

Daisy stares at him in shock. “But Harry says you’ve published several important articles in academic journals and even have your own lab at your Ministry. How could you do that if you don’t know advanced maths?”

Draco feels his cheeks turn pink. “Potions is very different from calculus.”

“So, you can’t help me?” Daisy asks, her eyes wide. 

“I can try,” Draco says at last, even though a slight bubble of panic ignites in his stomach.

“Thank you!” she says, pushing her textbook at him.

“What are you trying to do?”

“Solve for ‘x’,” she replies, tapping her pencil on the page.

Draco peers down at the page. “It’s right here,” he says, absentmindedly using a spare quill from his pocket to circle the letter in question. “Is this supposed to be hard?”

“What are you doing? You don’t use a feather to solve calculus problems.”

“Oh, sorry. It’s a quill, actually,” Draco says. “But look on the bright side; I found ‘x’.”

Daisy laughs, shaking her head. “No. You have to solve for ‘x’, not find it. Here, look.” She picks up her Muggle gadget and punches the buttons, using her pencil to write down numbers and symbols.

“See,” she says, showing Draco her answer, “this is where I get stuck.”

Draco nods along like he can understand what she is explaining. “How do you know your answer is wrong?”

“The value doesn’t make sense and I’ve tried to solve it so many times, but end up getting the same answer,” Daisy says, groaning in frustration.

“So your,” he says, pausing, trying to come up with the correct term. He points at the Muggle object, which is slim and has different coloured buttons, “Your phone is not helping?”

“It’s not my phone; it’s my graphing calculator. Do you want to try it?” Daisy asks.

Draco nods, even though he doesn’t know how to use it. He picks up the calculator and feels a surge of energy, like he’s being shocked. He quickly drops the calculator and steps back.

“What just happened?” Daisy cries out and she grabs Draco’s hand to take a look, turning it over to see if he’s hurt.

Draco gives her a small smile. “Magic and technology don’t mix. But I have a solution to your homework. Put your calculator away, please.”

Daisy does and leans back expectantly in her chair.

“Do you mind if I use magic?” Draco asks her.

She nods eagerly. “Go ahead!”

“All right, but you can’t tell Harry,” he says. “ _Accio_ wand.” It’s one of the few wandless spells Harry has taught him how to use. Draco points his wand at the paper and murmurs a spell Hermione taught him when he had complained about accidentally spilling ink on his parchment.

Daisy lets out a surprised gasp when the ink disappears.

“What did you do?” she asks, lifting the page for a closer inspection.

Draco smiles. “I Vanished the question. You can’t get a wrong answer if the question is never there to begin with.”

Daisy beams at him. “Brilliant!” Daisy says, and she doesn’t hesitate to slam her book shut and throw her items in her backpack. “You’re so lucky to be able to do magic! Sometimes I wish I was a witch,” she says wistfully. Draco tries to find the right words to comfort her when suddenly Daisy’s stomach growls and she begins to blush.

“Would you like some dinner?” Draco asks.

“Yes. Are you going to use magic to cook?”

Draco shakes his head. “I’m afraid not. Harry’s the chef in the family. Anything I cook would probably be inedible.” 

She looks at him expectantly. “Can we order pizza?”

Draco nods. Even the greasy pizza will be better than whatever he attempts to cook. “Order one with pineapple on top.”

Daisy stares at him in horror. “You’re mad.”

Draco holds his chin stiffly. “I am not. I have refined tastes and I am not a picky eater no matter what Harry claims.”

“Absolutely barking,” she replies, laughing softly. “But I can see why Harry loves you. You make life very interesting and I bet there’s never a dull moment,” Daisy says as she picks up her phone and dials a number.

He’s speechless and in that time, Draco hears the front doorbell ring. When he opens the door, Harry is standing outside. His Auror coat is thrown over his shoulder and his clothes underneath are wrinkled as if he’s been chasing after someone all day. There are no words to describe his hair, but that doesn’t matter, because Draco’s heart is still beating fast at the sight of him.

“Draco, I’ve missed you,” Harry says, kissing him. Draco melts into the kiss, feeling all the tension and frustration leave his body. When Harry pulls back, his green eyes are full of concern as he gazes at Draco. “What’s wrong, Draco?”

One of Draco’s weaknesses is that he cannot lie to Harry. “I used magic!” he says quickly. “I know you said we shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it!”

“What?” Harry asks, his eyes wide.

“I tried to help Daisy with her calculus homework and I didn’t understand anything, so I did the best I could and used magic.”

It doesn’t take long to realise that Harry is laughing. “Oh, Draco,” Harry says, trying to breathe. “You scared me. I thought something serious had happened and the Ministry was in our living room ready to Obliviate Daisy.”

Draco shakes his head. “No, nothing like that.” Before he can say anything else, Daisy appears in their entryway. 

“Harry, tell Draco that you can’t put pineapple on a pizza!”

“Ah,” Harry says, winking at Draco. “I’m afraid I can’t. I love him too much and he has shown me the error of my ways. Pineapple is an essential topping,” Harry says, kissing him again. This time Draco happily returns the kiss, making sure to run his fingers through Harry’s hair.

“Ugh, you two are worse than my parents,” Daisy says.

“There’s no one quite like Draco,” Harry says when they finally pull apart. “Did you know he eats pizza with a knife and fork?”

“I take back what I said about being a witch,” Daisy says, scandalised. “Wizards are weird.”


End file.
